The Spirit Of Smissmas
by A Wolf's Nightmare
Summary: A short, day late Christmas story for my readers. Enjoy!


_**This Christmas story is non-canon, meaning anything during this has nothing to do with the story arc I created. Enjoy.**_

It was a warm spring day when two men found the most miracles of miracles.

"Julius! Come quickly!" A short, round, pudgy man of thirty said as he wore a grey suit and a bowler hat.

"A most blessed event has transpired." A taller, thin man with the same outfit came out of his house and lit up with excitement.

"Good heavens, Archibald! Do my eyes deceive me?" They both went outside and saw a blue bomb on wheels at their doorstep. A ticking was heard as they talked.

"They do not my friend! Some good, nay, messiah-like Samaritan has left a ticking bomb on our rail-stoop!"

"Truly it is a Smissmas miracle for the poor bomb-less unfortunates of Teufort." The tall man said with a smile.

"Let us embrace in celebration!" The short one cheered. They hugged as the ticking grew louder.

"They didn't even leave their names…" The tall one spoke. The ticking grew and grew until suddenly an explosion was heard as the screen faded to black.

"_Let me stop you right there."_ A voice was heard. It then faded into a court room with a judge sitting in his place and pinching his nose ridge, obviously upset.

"…In your rambling, incoherent, highly dubious, self-aggrandizing story… to remind you that you are under oath, sir… are you certain that this is the truthful version of the events you and your red accomplice here today?"

The screen then pans to Sebastian who was sitting up in the stands. "You damn right it is! I…"

"No, no. Really, genuinely take a moment to think about this." Sebastian then looked worried.

He then turned to his lawyer. "Uh, maybe I better check with my legal counsel…"

And there representing as his lawyer was the slow-witted, slow-thinking Aaron. Next to him was the Devil who looked in disbelief at what these two were doing. Aaron then gave a thumb up at Sebastian.

"Yes. Your honor, I swear that is exactly what happened." He said with confidence.

"Fine…" The judge continued. "Then it would surprise you that the bomb did not detonate in a bomb charity… which, as I've reminded you several times does not and will not exist…"

"Wha…" Sebastian looked in disbelief.

"But in fact blew up a mall Santa training facility. And since that you failed to identify any of your co-conspirators, you'll be sentenced to…"

"Whoa-ho-ho!" Sebastian stopped him. "No one told me I could name names. See my court-appointed lawyer there? He masterminded the whole thing!"

"JUDAS!" Aaron shouted as the Devil sat there with a face of anger and annoyance. Aaron got out of his seat and started to strangle Sebastian.

"I am going to kill you before they give me the chair!"

"You… are… the… worst… lawyer…" Sebastian said between chokes. The judge banged his gavel and demanded justice.

"Enough! Nobody is getting the chair! I hereby sentence all three of you imbeciles…"

"…_To community service…"_ The three were in a mall and everything was deck out with Christmas decorations. A sign then appears and reads, "Meet Santa at the Teufort Mall!"

A woman with her child goes up to Sebastian who is dressed like and elf leaning his body against the wall and she says, "Excuse me, Elf? How long is the wait to meet Santa?"

Sebastian then says suavely, "For a pretty lady like you, how does right now sound?"

"Oh, I have a husband! He's parking the ca…"

"Back of the line…"He said disappointedly. The screen then pans to see two lines, one that says single moms and another that says everybody else. Sebastian was in the middle of it.

"_And I want an action Saxton, and an action Saxton hippie-drone battle arena…"_

The screen the goes to Aaron as the mall Santa dressed up. The child that the woman had was on his laps. He was asking what he wanted for Christmas.

"And I want a poopy Joe Rescue Rocket and I wanna…"

"Son…" Aaron stopped him. "Those are all the things you want. _This_ Santa gives you want you need." He then pulled out a cordless shaver.

"One: A sensible haircut…" He then started to shave him.

"Henry!" The woman screamed. "That Santa's shaving little Jack's head!" She told her husband.

"Now wait just a damn minute pal…"

"Two: I will give you the gift of manhood…" Aaron said as he put Jack down on the floor. He then cracked his paws. "You are going to watch… me beat up your father in front of you…"

"Yay?" The kid said confused.

"You need to get us out of here Kate…" The Devil said over the phone as he was talking to Kate.

"First things first… how did Aaron become public defender?"

"It's a long story… but chapter one: he's an immortal, bisexual, mad scientist… should I continue?"

"You know what? Never mind."

"Thank you…"

"The important thing is we're working on it. Just don't make it worse."

"Not a problem…"

"Come here you!" Aaron yelled. Everything seems normal so far… Aaron delivered the final blow to little Jack's dad.

"People of Teufort!" A reindeer marched in as the door fell over. It was Dr. Jack wearing a red shirt, suspenders, black pants, a goat head, and a cape made of koalas.

"I am Old Nick! The spirit of Australian Christmas… and I have come for your children…"

"Question, how much more trouble would we be in if the children were abducted?" The Devil asked Kate.

"Satan… take. Care. Of. This. Now!"

"Mister?" Little Jack went up behind the Devil. He looked at him.

"Satan? Satan?" Kate asked.

"Here, hold this…"

"What?" Kate asked.

"I'm scared…" Jack said trembling.

"Is that a child? Satan, this isn't funny…"

"It's perfectly natural to be scared. We're all in a lot of danger." He said as a broke off an icicle that hanged from the phone box.

"Take this…" He gave the boy the ice. "I have a plan…"

"Little boy…" Kate tried to call.

"But you must do what I say. Stay in plain sight."

"Run…" Kate said.

"Do not move until I tell you to."

"Run!" Kate said.

"Do not listen to the voice on the phone…" He hung up the phone. "No matter how scared you feel…"

"Wrapping paper?" Dr. Jack asked. "You plan to stop me with wrapping paper?"

"Yeah. Why don't you bring that little mink stole over here and show me how stupid my wrapping paper is?" Sebastian said. He then proceeded to take an ornament of the tree next to him.

"It isn't a stole, Elf, it's a cape. And it's made of…" Sebastian threw the ornament up in the air and hit it like a baseball. It went and hit Dr. Jack in his face.

"You miserable…" He started. Aaron came in and whacked him in the face with a Saxton Hale action toy.

"The power of Smissmas compels you!" He yelled as Dr. Jack felled to the ground. He lay on the floor in pain. Suddenly a voice was heard.

"Mister?" He looked up to see little boy Jack.

"Well, now. Look who wasn't smart enough to run…" He said as he got up.

He picked up little Jack and held him up. The little boy whimpered. "My workshop usually requires 50 children to function. This one will have to work very hard…"

"Take my advice pal." Sebastian said. "That is not the kid you wanna abduct."

"Oh and why is that?" He asked. The little boy pulled out the icicle and stabbed the man in the neck.

"Auuughhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrghghghghgh!" He yelled as blood poured out of his neck. He then fell to the ground dead.

"Heh, Satan, I have seen you stab like a million guys and that… was my favorite…" Sebastian said laughing. "Satan?"

"Here they are!" The Devil said as he was followed by a news team. "The people who save the children of Teufort."

"Teufort News, how does it feel like to be heroes?" The woman asked.

"If I'm honest, feel like a Saturday." Sebastian said shrugging off his manly chest.

"I am happy to announce the existence of a conflict I was previously unaware of! The war on Smissmas." Aaron said laughing. "And lady, we are winning!"

The little boy and The Devil were sitting next to each other and they started to talk.

"I stabbed a man… in the neck…" Little Jack said.

"Mm…"

"I did just what you said. I was so scared."

"Are you scared now?"

"Mm… no." He said smiling.

"Good… Merry Smissmas…" He said.

_**I hope you all have a Merry Smissmas and Christmas. Happy Holidays everyone!**_


End file.
